


The one he used to love

by Marrie_L



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Mentioning canon death, Sad, Wizarding Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6676270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrie_L/pseuds/Marrie_L
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He couldn’t believe it. His best friend, the one he still loved with his whole heart, standing there. He was pale and thin and all those years in Azkaban had taken his beauty away. But as he was standing there, completely different but still the same, it felt like he had seen him only yesterday instead of twelve years ago.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one he used to love

He couldn’t believe it. His best friend, the one he still loved with his whole heart, standing there. He was pale and thin and all those years in Azkaban had taken his beauty away. But as he was standing there, completely different but still the same, it felt like he had seen him only yesterday instead of twelve years ago.

 

_“Why don’t you trust me?” Remus’ voice broke the silence between them. Sirius had never said it to him, but he knew it. He could read it in his eyes and feel it in his touches. He knew they were growing apart and he hated it. He wanted to be together with the man he loved, but at this moment, when they couldn’t trust each other, that was not an option._

_“I’m sorry Remus,” whispered Sirius. Remus could hear the tears in his voice. It sounded exactly as how he felt. He slowly walked away. He couldn’t make this harder than it already was. They loved each other, but they couldn’t be together. Seeing him would just make it more difficult._

“Remus?” His voice sounded broken and Remus just couldn’t manage to smile. Before he knew it, he held the man he had missed for so many years in his arms.

“Sirius,” he answered, but his voice was muffled in Sirius’ shoulder. The hug didn’t take long. In all those years Remus had learned to deal with the pain alone and this wasn’t the right moment to reunite. Sirius was a fugitive for Heaven’s sake! He shouldn’t be here to hold Remus. There were so many things they needed to talk about, so many words that had been left unsaid.

 

_It was painful to see Sirius. Everything inside Remus wanted to run at him, throw his arms around him and just kiss him. He couldn’t do it. They had been fighting too many times. It was war, but not just in the Wizarding World. There was a war going on between them and every single day they lost each other more and more. It They didn’t kiss or hug anymore. Merlin, they didn’t even talk anymore! Only if they were forced to sit together for an Order-mission, they could speak to each other. But even then it wasn’t enough. It was never enough._

As soon as Remus had released Sirius, he took his own wand and pointed it at Sirius. He wasn’t stupid. Yes, he still loved Sirius, he still wanted to hold him close, but he still couldn’t trust Sirius.

“It was the rat. Peter,” Sirius explained and he started to tell the story of Peters betrayal. Remus just listened. How could he believe this? For twelve years he had known that three of his friends were dead and one was a traitor. It had been a terrible truth, but it had been the truth. The one thing he could hold on to and now that wasn’t true?

“Can you forgive me?” Sirius asked eventually after a long silence. Remus didn’t answer. He didn’t know if he could. It was like his whole world was turned upside down. He didn’t know what he could believe anymore. He couldn’t even trust himself anymore.

Maybe he could forgive Sirius. Maybe even trust him after twelve years of hating. He didn’t know. He just knew he needed the Sirius he had known before the war. Before Lily and James died. Before the world fell apart. He just needed the Sirius he had once loved.


End file.
